Welcome, my children, to the wonder that is 29. This week I have been keeping another ideas.txt file (attached) on my desktop. And have filled it with a whole load of writings. And so.

I'm being Iago. Kind of. For those of you who don't know, Iago is the villain in William Shakespeare's domestic tragedy, Othello. He is the villain who manipulates everyone else in order to meet his own ends. Now, at the moment, I'm not doing this. But all it would take for me to be like him would be one letter or one telephone call. To put it simply, if I want to I can be a total arsehole. And the only reason I'm not? Because I don't want to hurt the person I would as a result of doing it. But that's only in my better moments. When I'm tired (and those of you who know me know what that means) I figure, why not? I'm living my life now to experience new things. And being a complete and total bastard is something I've never really done before. I always prefer the villains to the heroes in films and books and tall tales. I wonder what it would be like to be one.

E-mails, as I said in 28, rule. E-mails are like letters. Or at least they can be. The differences being that they can be delivered near-instantaneously; they cost the same to send anywhere in the world; high-resolution images and sound files and programs can be attached... But now I'm getting carried away with the frills. The best thing about e-mail is that it has revived the near dead art of letter writing. Which is good. When I compose an e-mail, I enjoy it. I'm making a piece of art with my words. The words I use will (hopefully) convey to the reader the feelings I'm going through as I write. I can create feelings, laughter, sadness, all with the words I use and how I use them.
    Messenger however. Messenger (of the Yahoo! variety) feels like shit. On the few occasions I've used it, I've felt like I was talking to machines. LOL and other such nonsense appears at regular intervals. There's no thought behind it. I've made a rather witty observation. How does the eejit I'm talking to respond? Laugh Out Loud?! Fuck off! It's 3 in the fucking AM!!! I laugh out loud now and I'll wake the whole fucking house!!! Not only that, the way in which you sit there waiting for the reply just feels like more faecal matter. Messengers and chatrooms are the equivalents of chatting away for no other reason than you have nothing better to do. I'm sure some people use them for actual purposes; a fifty year old fat American guy wanking whilst pretending to be a fifteen year old girl in a Shitney Spears Forum. But they make me feel ill when I use them. So I don't anymore.
    Speaking with people for real though. That's the best. You can HEAR their voice. When you type you forget that people sound. When you speak you don't. And when the person you're speaking with has the most beautiful voice you've ever heard? Pure bliss. That's just on the phone. In real life? You see how their face works as you speak. How they carry themselves. How they idly play with their hair as they talk.
    Reality rules. E-mail merely covers in it's absence.

In 28 I spoke of how I'd noticed that most of the people I talk to online are female. Possible reasons were given. Ratios were requested (and to some extent received [more about that later]). And what did I find myself doing a few days later as I had a look round a dire Yahoo! club? That's right; ignoring the male profiles and reading the female ones. Why? Couldn't tell you. That's how deep it is.

I have to make a decision; follow my dreams or be practical. By the end of September we have to hand in our university applications. And I don't know what to do. I want to write. Scrap that, I do write. What I want is to do a creative writing course, with the aim of becoming a professional writer. However, it has been pointed out to me (as I already knew) that this is not a set career. I go to university for three years, come out with a degree, and then what? Go write a book and become famous? It doesn't quite work like that. So the practical solution; go to university and do SOMETHING with computers. Why? Because they're all I know and if I can get a job as a systems analyst or something similar once I graduate I would be on £30K - £40K easy. And could then write in my spare time. The thing is. I know that if I do computing I'll regret not doing writing. And if I do writing, the degree will be most useless to me as far as securing employment is concerned.
    At the moment I'm going for the creative writing. I may know computers, but, in recent times, they have began to piss me off more and more. If I could live without mine I would quite happily smash it up into lots of little pieces and jump up and down on them.
    But the thought that I'll be wasting my time still claws.

On Tuesday I had a dream. It involved myself, the bus, a sunny day, Mr T and Kim. Little of consequence happened. But when I awoke I remembered that I had not spoke to Kim in over a year. And she was once a good friend. So I rang her up. And all was well. So my point. Think of someone who was once a good friend but who you've lost contact with. Make contact. It'll be worth it.

Ratios. Of the sex of people that people converse with online. Well, only five people actually responded to my request for ratios. And all of those were female. Which, in some way, also proves what I was trying to say. The ratios can be found at the end of the attached ideas.txt file. It would appear that I was right. We mostly e-mail people of the opposite sex. What's that? You don't? Well send me the ratio, goddamnit!

I don't like listening to music when there are other people around. It can be tolerable, at best, but downright annoying most of the time. I like listening to music when I'm on my own, in my room. Turn the volume way up and drown out the rest of the house; my brother's cries, my sisters' screams, my parent's shouts for quiet. When other people are there, they distract me.

Ian sent out an e-mail entitled "Your New Beautiful Name" on the 9th. So here it is, with my own addition at the bottom:

~

Use the FIRST letter of your FIRST name to find your new First Name:

    a = serendipity
    b = sapphire
    c = virtue
    d = adora
    e = twilight
    f = midnight
    g = faith
    h = ardent
    i = pippin
    j = harmony
    k = joy
    l = heavenly
    m = endless
    n = ecstasy
    o = rapturous
    p = blissfull
    q = euphoria
    r = odyssey
    s = topaz
    t = dawn
    u = adalina
    v = destiny
    w = enchanting
    x = reverence
    y = zephyr
    z = fair


Use the FIRST letter of your LAST name to find the first part of your new Last Name:

    a = zealot
    b = clover
    c = rose
    d = secret
    e = dewdrop
    f = sprite
    g = shimmering
    h = wisk
    i = whimsical
    j = sircosis
    k = windust
    l = sparkle
    m = dazzle
    n = lickerish
    o = pierce
    p = sly
    q = resistant
    r = yonder
    s = flamboyant
    t = excentric
    u = blooming
    v = bursting
    w = prancing
    x = youthful
    y = swift
    z = passionate

Use the LAST letter of your LAST name to find the second part of your new Last Name:

    a = snap
    b = flick
    c = fizzle
    d = spritz
    e = star
    f = spring
    g = rainbow
    h = fairy
    i = light
    j = pop
    k = shine
    l = peck
    m = chime
    n = existence
    o = reality
    p = dance
    q = myst
    r = glow
    s = dream
    t = skip
    u = tiptoe
    v = image
    w = love
    x = flit
    y = river
    z = soul

...And then post it here!

1. Natalie Bauer = Ecstasy Clover Glow (Don't worry, I don't get it either, LoL. It's so...hippie.)

2. Ian Davis = Pippin Secretdream. Not too shabby!

3. Caleb Newcastle = Virtue Lickerishstar

~

I couldn't tell you the point of that. But I liked the sound of it anyway.

Intuition blows. When I feel something so strong and I know, just KNOW something bad is going to happen, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Intuition blows.

A couple of you have queried my apologies to you back in 27. As I said at the time, if you don't know what I'm apologising for then that suits me even better. As I said, I doubted all of you would know what I was going on about. I merely wanted to relieve my brain.

Incubus is another band introduced to me by the introducer-of-bands, Ian Davis. And they are extremely shiny. So either go out and find someone else who has their music and listen to it, or go out and buy some and listen to it, or go Napsterise a whole load and listen to it. The Warmth is my favourite so far. So get that at least.
    Why do I bother with this? When people recommend stuff to me (in weekly / mass e-mails) I very rarely bother to track the stuff down myself. But I expect you to? Well, yes, damnit! I've Written 29 issues of this weekly now. So you people should show me some respect. Now normally I'd ask for respect in the form of money or, even better, comics. But on this occasion I ask simply that you go download all the music, MP3s etc. that I've recommended to you over the past 29 weeklies. Do-o-o it!
    Satisfied by Gravity. http://www.peoplesound.com/music/rock/
    Ego by Spunge (or [spunge] for Ian). Napsterise it.

I thought that I was a child playing at being an adult before. Now I know it. And I can have way more impact because of that. But I don't want to. On account of the hurt.

See you in 7 for 30.


ideas.txt