A lot on my mind this week. Attached you will find the ideas.txt file I wrote as things occurred to me. A summary of the contents of this e-mail if you will. If you don't, then it's just another attachment for you to ignore. Humperdido.

I was listening to the radio a few days ago and the Internet was being discussed. Not any particular aspect of it. Just "the Internet". The people talking about it didn't seem to actually know what it was exactly. Just that it would "bring about the collapse of society." Wait a bit. This may have been on the radio. Or it might have been one of those BAD Open University programs which are on late at night / early in the morning on BBC2. Whatever, I should have been asleep. So. The point. I'm preaching to the perver.. converted here, aren't I? We all know that e-mails rule. Through them we (repressed souls) can talk to people in a way we'd never dare in real life. And we learn to write like we (would like to) talk. And can use brackets an insane amount of the time. That alone (brackets) justifies the existence of the Internet for me. Back to the plot. 'Twas spoken of how "e-mails" are making people more and more insular. How people prefer to stay at home and talk to others via their keyboards rather than go out and meet people for real. Bollocks. E-mail is a stepping stone. It makes you more sociable as opposed to less. Whilst it's fun to talk via writing you can't get away from the feeling that real life is better. And so it (e-mail) is nought but a substitute for when the real thing isn't practical. But as I said, I'm preaching to the perverted.

I had a dream. Don't groan. 'Twas a fun, short one. There was a story but it is gone. Basically, I was someone who could take out my nose bone, which was like a small stone, take it apart, rearrange the side pieces, replace the bone into my nose, and have a completely different face. The bone was like a shell, only completely smooth. When I changed it I looked like a woman. Which was fun. Things were blue and silvery.

Another thing which I'm sure you're all aware of. 'Twas discussed by myself and the Ian a few weeks back. It seems that the vast majority of people I and he e-mail on any kind of regular basis are female. I keep in semi-regular contact with one or two males. But all the huge monster e-mails I write are to girls. Reasons for this? Possible options discussed; that guys feel it's gay to talk to other guys about feelings. That most of the guys on the Internet are really just looking for someone to shag. That the guys who aren't looking for someone to shag know that most all the other guys are and so don't want to waste their time. And more that I can't remember. So I was wondering (on account of me not being) whether this was the same for girls? Or do you e-mail both females and males equally? A ratio would be most interesting.

I have been told by various people over the course of my life that I am dignified, aloof, polite etc. Which is all fine and good. Means I calm my dad down when he gets stressed (so I was told by my mum a couple days ago). But being this way has not served me well (so far as I can judge) for as far back as I can remember. There is the view abroad that people who are polite the whole time are hiding what they truly think of you. And this is where my argument falls apart. For I do. Tell people what I think. Though only when I don't consider it especially important / am tired. There are one or two of you I would like to tell to fuck off because you annoy me so much. But that'd be rude ^_^. Hoom. My original point was that few people approach you if you are aloof. But upon further reflection I have put this down to the simple fact that not only I have no idea what I'm doing. So does everyone else. It's easier to stay aloof than deal with people and feelings. Which brings us on to...

Revelation isn't an end; it's a beginning. That was the point of one of the recent storylines on (the far better than E.R.) Chicago Hope. And it's something I kind of knew but didn't acknowledge. A few months back I had the following revelation; that if I wanted stuff to happen in my life, the only one who could do anything about it was myself. So I resolved to. And, to an extent, have. But it's not a separate set of unrelated incidents that I have to achieve. It's a whole damn outlook on life, the universe and everything. Which, in my weaker moments, I wonder why I bother with. It would be so much easier to go back to living how I lived. Emotions are way harder to deal with when you're having them. I'm listening to an amazing song as I write this. Satisfied by a band called Gravity. Go to www.peoplesound.com, click on the rock section and download the MP3. It'll be totally worth it. E-mail me what you think of them.

My father and two oldest sisters (11 and 16) have now gone on holiday to Jordan until August 23rd. So all I have to live with is my mother and little sister and brother. Basically I can ignore everyone and do whatever I want. More so than usual. Basically, on Thursday, I only bothered being awake for a grand total of six or seven hours. All the rest of the time? I slept. And eighteen odd hours of sleep is nice. I mean, I wake up feeling like shit, my whole body aching, and all I want to do is crawl back under the covers and dream again. But at least I don't have to do anything like work or go out to school.

Hoom. That's what I'm gonna write for this week. Except; went to see Being John Malkovich earlier today (Friday). An extremely entertaining, if somewhat pointless, film. More about feelings than anything else. So it's on at 18:15, 20:40 and 23:15 tomorrow (Saturday) and 21:45 on Monday to Thursday next week. At the point. So if you haven't seen it already; go see it.

Also. Last time (27) I apologised to some of you for some things. Rachel Savage felt left out and so I apologise, most profusely, to her right here and now. It was never my intention to leave you out of the loop. I merely had nothing to apologise for. Now that I do, I am. Please forgive me? And yes, I do want you to look at it.

Also, welcome back to Cass. She's in Germany right now, but can enjoy the wit that is I every week, right here, right now. I shall scan in 66 as soon as I have it.

If I wasn't clear earlier; go to www.peoplesound.com. NOW. Go to the Rock section and download a song called Satisfied by a band called Gravity. Appreciate it.

For those of you who are interested. Which is all of you. This week's weekly was written in Notepad. In recent times I have forsaken my Outlook roots, including the different font sizes and colours. All is in Courier New. Black on white. Simple. And so writing in Notepad makes sense. It was also written (later) to the following tracks; Just Be Strong by A-KO, Girl From Mars by Ash, Life's Gonna Suck by Denis Leary, Insomnia by Feeder and, of course, Satisfied by Gravity.

I like that band. Well, that song anyway.

I'm going on and on and on and on and on and on... no cutting or pasting there. All typing with individual fingers stabbed at blindly. Can't touch type. But know where the keys are anyway. Huzzah.

I don't want to stop writing.

Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader. Happy.

Incidentally. 28 is my favourite number. So it's good that this is it. In fact, I like it so much I think I'll call next week's weekly 28 as well. And maybe the next... I shall see. I want to write a letter to someone explaining the way I feel but I don't want to as well. It'd be a good thing to write it. It'd clear things up. But I'm enjoying the mess. I have an envelope and a stamp and paper and a pen and the writing in my head. I am my own worst enemy. And Lit rule all. And I should sleep some more and call people and eat some food and go out and play and read a book and do my homework and get a job and do some thing and sleep again.

I'm going to end


ideas.txt