For seven years my mind has been stuck in a loop.

In 1994 I started a new school without any of the friends from my first twelve years of life. And I really sucked at making new ones. In fact I didn't, not really, for several years. And by then I'd gotten so used to being on my own that I didn't even realise I was lonely. So friends were cool and all, but nothing

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Go outside and play!

The world is amazing! I've not felt so alive in seven years. What made me switch off? What made that part of me die? Now I can remember what it was like to enjoy living, the memories are coming back, but for seven years it's as if I slept. I lived at night and felt like shit and never Once saw the connection. Fuckwit!
    But now I am free and need to explore this place! What led to this feeling of Goodness, Rightness and All-Around-Well-Being? A whole bundle of little things, sleeping at night, not going on my computer so much, but the climax was reading 'The Invisibles: Say You Want a Revolution' by Grant Morrison. When I started it I was a gloomy cookie. By the time I'd finished and was walking home through the sunlight, I couldn't stop smiling.
    For seven years it's been an effort to make any expression other than nothing. Now I can't stop myself from grinning like a madman. I'm hearing and smelling and seeing things I haven't bothered to hear or smell or see in years.
    Go outside and play! I know now what to do with my summer. No more of this lurking around inside, sleeping for 14+ hours a day, slinking from bed to toilet to bed to food to bed to computer to bed. No! I'm going to swim! To play! To run! To climb every single tree in town!
    Fuck this self-pitying funk I've been in for as long as I can remember. Come, join me in breaking out of this sick, twisted parody of a life. Sure, I'll mostly sit staring at a tree I used to climb when I was eight, giggling inanely to myself, ignoring you completely... So maybe not with me would be so good. But, for the love of Bob, go outside and play.

I'm out of the loop.