DAY 37 / 20001231
Last day of the year. What have I achieved? What did I do this year that made it different from all those that preceded it? What have I got to show for myself after over eighteen years on this planet?

First, the obvious; girlfriends (or attempts there-at).

End of May sometime: Ask Pat out. Don't know why, 'cos there wasn't any possibility... felt happy for a couple days (with the trying), then actually get it through my thick skull that she had turned me down. Feel a bit foolish. Solution = never talk of, EVER again.

July, last day of term: Ask Emily out. Date as it were for a few weeks, then it stops. Doesn't really matter, as it was only really a daydream type thing, but still... I was slightly foolish. Ach, doesn't matter. Stop dating before end of summer holidays. Totally ignore her at school, 'cos of the foolishness feeling.

November 11th: Meet Victoria, a girl I've been e-mailing for a few weeks. Fancy her, but have learnt from past mistakes that she probably doesn't feel the same way. So leave it alone. Then she kisses me. And I kiss back. And my mind is fucking blown to smithereens. Feel a whole load of weird shit that I've never felt before. Am in love with her, and her with me (as far as I know). But time, and distance, make it all go to buggeration. And myself. And probably her. Whatever. Next time we meet it's like what happened before was just a dream. And I feel like shit. And so ignore her completely. Wallow in HTML. Very, very pathetic. I don't even try to sort things out. What's happening now? No idea. Though I'd guess that she's simply forgotten me. Call her? Fuck you. Why hasn't she called me, eh?

Well, for a first year (with the trying[-ish]), that was nice and pointless. Everything's fucked up, and I'm too weak to do anything about it.

What else happened this year?

Decided I wanted to study Philosophy at university. Why? Hell, it seems like fun... Nah, in all seriousness, I have been doing some reading on the subject and it does seem to have been a good decision. As Tim pointed out, if I don't do it now I will regret it a lot when I'm older. And regrets suck goats... So long as I get the grades, and the only thing stopping me with that is my own laziness, I get to move to London this September coming. Which'll mean living with friends and NOT living with family. You gotta love it.

What else happened in 2000?

Ooh, became good friends with Jenny, someone I met through my website. And some other people, to a lesser extent, including Zainab and Katy.

Discovered talking - on - the - phone - until - the - wee - hours - of - the - morning.

Met Warren Ellis (a supoirb writer). Not really an amazing thing, but fun nevertheless. I really do prefer my idols far away, though. Musicians, writers, whatever.

Colin got expelled, Michael left, most everyone went their separate ways. Burgeoning sense of security (with friends, life, the universe and everything) blown to smithereens. Return of The Fear.

Acknowledge something I've felt for a while but never told anyone. Then realise it's all bollocks and doesn't matter.

Briefly become a 'Digital Artist'. Then realise that was all bollocks as well.

Discover Hunter S. Thompson. Model my writings after his style far too much.

Let my weekly descend into little more than a public diary. Feel slightly guilty about this, but not really; all the people who I send it to have asked for it. And occasionally I will write something that's amusing (usually intentionally).

I try and deal with the going blind thing by seeing a counsellor person. Their advice can be summed up as "think of other things to take your mind off of going blind and you'll feel better." Well, gee, I didn't know (or do) THAT before... So I continue as before with regards to that.

I make some advances in my HTMl ability, but never actually get round to learning XML, like I said I would. And now I have but two months left. Hoom.

Grow myself a beard for about a month and a half. Then shave it all off and realise it's fun to look like a girl, but I look kinda cool with the facial hair as well... Damn interesting. It'll probably return, if for no better reason than it's easier not to shave than it is to.

Currently see myself living to the age of 22. As in, that's how far ahead I can imagine what I'll be doing. Hopefully, going to university will present other things. Else I've got less than four years left.

Seriously consider how I'd feel if someone close to me were to kill themself. And so realise I must never kill myself.

Mother's mother dies on Boxing Day. Mother and sisters get obsessed with some guy who apparently was conning said dead person out of smegloads of money. Meals go the way of the dinosaur (starring in a mildly entertaining movie with Jeff Goldblum). As does sleep, mild-happiness, security, life the universe and... everything? Pretty much.

What have I achieved? What did I do this year that made it different from all those that preceded it? What have I got to show for myself after over eighteen years on this planet?

Bollocks.