Well... yes, and here we go again.

I was stupid to think things would ever change.
I try and convince myself that things have; that I have.
But it's all bollocks.
I knew exactly what would happen.
I could see it clear as day.
But I didn't want it to be true.
So I tried to let myself believe that things had changed.
And now that pretence has crumbled (is crumbling), and glorious reality streams back in through the cracks.

I had a dream in which I had the opportunity to rape a girl but chose not to. I am fixed!

At least, that's what the counsellor person says. Been going to see them for several months now, with the aim of fixing myself. 'Cos I realised I was broken when I couldn't control myself (lost control on a couple occasions). And that still hasn't been dealt with... I think we got sidetracked. So now I'm fixed of something that wasn't even broken in the first place, and the original complaint is left untouched. Wonderful.

About eighteen months ago I was walking through the city centre and I saw a man in a light-grey trenchcoat. And he seemed very happy with himself; all cocky and the like. But the belt of his coat was only through one of the loops; half the belt was dragging along the floor behind him, and he hadn't realised. So he thought he was the epitome of coolality, when in actual fact he was a fool.
I didn't tell him his belt was dragging behind.
Nor did anyone else, as far as the eye could see.

I've got some gorgeous pain shooting through my torso. Whenever I breathe in or out too hard, or forget and try to cough, it stabs me nice and sharp.

Attached is 38, the best thing I've written (at least I thought so at the time) in a long while. Read it if you haven't already, 'cos I know some of you are new here, and didn't get it first time 'round.

Why in fuck's sake did I do what I did? I knew what would happen...
-WHAM- upside the head

I really DO need some of that good ol' mescaline. You got any?

Smell and taste are fading.

Caleb don't need no more o' this.

PS - it might beLen ny. idon' trem ember fad e


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