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59: Texas, By God

Nice bit from Ennis on the creepy building up as he recounts the story of the Alamo, and how 180 men, including Bowie, Crockett and Travis held out for 10 days against the army of Santa Anna. Love the ominous beginning, but really hoping that history isn't going to repeat itself. Still, if you're in Texas, where better to go for a final showdown, cos that's what we're gonna have. Jesse, wandering around with a spade, thinks back to how he had visited Deblanc and Fiore, who were still busy with they're usual life of sex, drugs and rock and roll. Starr is stuck in day 51 without genitalia, and even his toilet paper, especially featuring Jesse, Cassidy, Eisenstein and d'Aronique, fails to cheer him up. Jesse needs to find out still more about Genesis, and asks the ex-Adelphim about the battle between heaven and hell which they tell him was because God decided to give men free will. Jesse then asks them for help in finding one of the men of free will, or at least used to be. Starr is really starting to crack, and he shoots apart Hoover's report for 'improper use of inverted commas' (I gotta do me that one day), and bawls both Hoover and Featherstone out. Back to Jesse, He's back at Alamo, and digs up a skeleton with the ribs broken apart. Now, I remember that the Saint died because of a shovel through the ribs, but Ennis and Dillon don't seem to have much memory, because they've got the ribs broken in the wrong direction. Hey ho. Over in a church, Cassidy is getting some Dutch courage, before walking into a church, shoving aside the cheerful priest. In a nice little chatty tone he enquires after someone's health, then suggests a deal. The next shot is from behind, and the person he's talking to, well, it's crucifix. This one's fairly intense, and being all in the dark it looks far more grim than usual. It's got the usual start of section build-up, but the artwork and forbidding tone gives you the impression (if you didn't already know) that this is the end, the final shoot-out, and it's not gonna have a happy ending.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

60: The Thunder Of His Guns

Jesse's out at the Alamo, and the Saint comes strolling out of the darkness in that spooky way of his. Jesse explains that he was told that disturbing the Saint's grave was the one sure way to get his attention, but the Saint is a man of few words and seems fairly determined to kill Jesse, until the Preacher tells him that he's the only one that can set up God. Jesse explains how God will only make his return to heaven when Genesis is gone, and as soon as he's on the throne nothing can harm him. Jesse demands the Saint's word that he will continue with his part of the bargain no matter what, but the Saint says that he's no longer a man because of what he sees all the time. Jesse can't see anything, but the Saint hands him one of his Colts, and Jesse sees the Saint's victims from Ratwater. One of the victims walks through Jesse, and when he recovers he tells the Saint that he's gonna let him loose on heaven. Featherstone reports to Starr that Jesse is going to San Antonio, and he orders her to assemble every troop the Grail has left, including those in deep cover, and that 'Armageddon can wait'. Jesse tells the Saint that he knows he still wants revenge, and the Saint has had enough and decides to kill him, but Jesse tells him how God made sure that MacReady and his band met up with the Saint, so he could have his killer. The Saint believes him, remembering how he had often felt followed, and turns to Jesse and asks his plan. Of course, the Saint probably got told it, but Ennis is either waiting for you to figure it out or just letting you steam a bit. Only thing I can work out is that Jesse is going to sacrifice what he 'has here', and with a name like Alamo, it ain't gonna be good.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

61: The Wonder Of You

This starts with Starr talking to the keepers of the sacred bloodline and after they give the proper greetings to the Allfather, he calls them 'a shower of fucking arsehole'. Jesse meets up with Tulip in a scruffy motel, and after a week away from him she practically rapes him. Starr tells the grail men that the one and only goal of the grail is revenge on Custer, and promptly has gas released into the room of monks. Choking on his own lungs and vomit, the leading monk objects that the grail and its aims are about mankind's salvation, but Starr replies 'this is about my genitals', I think this is more than personal. Jesse and Tulip are in bed, and Jesse's dog brings him some smokes (now why can't Spike do that?), and the two of them (that's Jesse and Tulip, not Jesse and his dog) are talking about how Jesse had ditched her once before and that she wasn't going to let him do that again. As they go outside, Hoover is waiting for them, and as he remembers his years of counting sand, he pulls a gun on them, but Jesse doesn't even remember who he is. Back at the Grail, Featherstone tells Starr how she feels about him, but he says she is a better adjutant than a lover, and she leaves all dejected. Back to Jesse & Co., and they're having a Mexican stand-off as Tulip pulls out her gun. Jesse takes Hoover's weapon off him and remembers who he is. He hands the gun back, as Hoover tells him who he is. Jesse apologises, saying how he did it because he was so angry with the Grail and it was nothing personal. Hoover breaks down crying and tells Jesse how it ruined his life, so Jesse uses Genesis to make him forget. Tulip mutters 'well dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians' as Jesse carries Hoover over to a park bench where he sleeps like a baby. She rags Jesse, saying how he wandered among mankind healing the sick and performing miracles, until someone said '"Whoa, brethren, check out his initials!" and how a new religion spread around him, which he 'secretly kind of dug...'. Nah, got kind of bored with this one, right up to the part where Hoover appeared. I think I'm getting sick of Starr.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

62: And Every Dog His Day

From the cover you know this one's gonna be about the fella with a face like an arse, and sure enough, there he is driving into Salvation, Texas (for such a small place, it crops up a hell of a lot in Preacher), and as Arseface walks into a bar, everyone throws up. Meanwhile, Hoover has woken up, and is completely crazy with happiness, and is saying hello to absolutely everyone and everything. Arseface, however, is completely miserable, and finally wanders out from the bar, only to see a group of thugs pestering a woman. When she turns round, she's only got one eye, and Arseface rushes over and chases them away. The girl, Lorie, is really grateful, and invites him for something to eat. Hoover goes to pick up Starr and Featherstone, and for the first time ever stands up to Starr, telling him to carry his own luggage, shocking Starr and Featherstone. Lorie and Arseface are in the bar, but she leaves him to get a couple more platypuses, and he asks about her. It turns out that she sees things that aren't there, and yep, there's her walking through the bar which is filled with palm trees, penguins and space shuttles all drinking platypuses. That I like. Back at the Grail, Hoover finally tells Featherstone how he feels about her, but she's not listening because she's too busy staring at a photo of Starr. Disappointed, Hoover heads off to a bar to learn about drinking. In Salvation, Mr Quincannon, the man who saved Salvation with his factory, offers Arseface a job shovelling shit, and Arseface agrees instantly. He rushes off to tell Lorie, who reveals that she asked Mr Quincannon to give him a job because she really likes him. Arseface is confused, because he thinks he's hideous, but she sees him as a gorgeous guy, and they kiss, with lots of drool. Nice. This one ends with Jesse and Tulip, who's complaining that he won't tell her his plan but wonders about the way he takes pity on all the losers of the world. This one was okay. I think Lorie was the sister of Jesse's old one-eyed friend Billy-Bob. It's good to see Arseface, strangely, and Lorie's view of the world was brilliant, but I'm a bit fed up with all the tension building Ennis is doing, and I wish he'd just get on with it.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

63: Jesse's Girl

This one starts off very strangely. Jesse is telling Tulip how he felt that time he saw her shot in the head, and how relieved he was that she made it. Tulip tells him that she didn't, and then it shows her with her brains all hanging out the back of her head, and that God wouldn't save her because he's a bastard. Jesse wakes up in a sweat, and goes into the bathroom, where Tulip's busy filling a mag. Over to the Grail, and Hoover has gone insane. He hands Starr a pair of binoculars with shoe polish on the rims, and Featherstone doesn't have the courage to tell him before he goes off to brief the troops. Jesse and Tulip have managed to get dressed and are sitting on the bed. Jesse gives Tulip a bottle of water and then comes over all strange as he starts reciting poetry, then they kiss and Jesse holds Tulip as she passes out from the drugged water he just gave her. Starr briefs the troops, and they start off all serious, as they should do when being addressed by the Allfather, but him standing there with his panda rings round his eyes makes them start to laugh. Starr starts to bawl them out, when he sees his reflection in the Captain's eyes, nice. Back at the motel, Jesse is standing there apologising for what he did, but facing Cassidy, Starr and God, he doesn't want to see her die again. John Wayne appears to encourage him (no, still can't get used to this) by making him repeat his daddy's words, and then tells him that although he's watched Jesse 'learn ta be a man', he has to do this last thing on his own. Jesse shakes John Wayne's hand and thanks him for being his hero, and then Wayne walks out into the light with the line that he's 'prouda ya'. At last. Now we can get on with the plot, seeing as how the characters have had their emotional goodbyes, the scene is all set, and Jesse is ready for war.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

64: If I Knew The Way I'd Go Back Home

Well, this here title is the song that Cassidy was singing way back in 'New York's Finest' while he was frying an egg. Sound pointless? Well, that's probably the best way to sum up this one. Cassidy is sitting in a bar telling someone who's passed out all about a B-movie he's seen. Jesse walks in and won't let Cassidy buy him a drink, and doesn't seem too forthcoming with explanations of what he's been up to. Tulip is woken up by the dog and finds Jesse's note. Back to the bar, and Jesse tells Cassidy that Sally is dead, and he knows all about him hitting his girlfriend(s). There's the revelation that Cassidy's got a couple of kids (Christ must they be screwed up), and he really regrets hitting just about anyone he's gone out with (including Dee, the girl who was trying to do mojo on him). Hoover and Featherstone are busy getting drunk, and it turns out that Hoover was a bad lifeguard and Featherstone joined the Grail when she realised that God's plans needed a helping hand. However, she's starting to get suspicious of both the Grail, Starr's motives, and life in general. Cassidy explains he was just kind of hoping Tulip was going to grow to love him and then throws a mental fit about all the bad shit that's happened to him over the years, including a decade of solid addiction and getting buggered for money (was that a job, or just some very sick muggers?). With all that, Jesse decides to take him outside and 'beat the livin' shit' out of him. Cassidy says how that's probably not going to work because all he has to do is stand there while Jesse wears himself out, so Jesse uses the Word to make him fight like hell. Then, for no apparent reason they end up in a bar fight. Back to Tulip, who's going after Jesse to save his life and then kill him. Good plan there. In the bar, Cassidy and Jesse are the only ones left standing, and Cassidy asks for a few hours before they have to fight, so Jesse leaves and Cassidy finishes telling the unconscious man about the movie. Still, for the first time in Preacher (apart from the back-stories), Cassidy has managed to find a razor. So has Jesse for that matter - I guess neither of them want to be scruffy for meeting God. I know how Ennis is trying to tie up loose ends here, but all that happened to me was that I stopped caring and fell asleep.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

65: Shoot Straight You Bastards

Well, it's High Noon. This is it folks, this is where years of comic genius grasps a fitting conclusion by the throat and instead of embracing it, rips out its still beating heart and eats it alive. Cassidy stands in front of the Alamo, looking less than ready for Custer's Last Stand. Jesse demands that he take off his shades (finally, that'll put an end to the pointless friggin arguments on the discussion boards), but impatient he just knocks them off with a right hook. Starr, on the rooftop facing the Alamo is confused, but tells the sniper to hold his fire, so that he can watch the fight. Then, we get to see Cassidy minus the shades, and what do we discover?! Lord Savaunt's idea that they're missing (I'll spare you the 'eyes are the gateway of the soul' explanation)? No. They're a bit red. After 64 comics of curiosity, didn't Mr Ennis think that was a bit of a bloody let down? Anyway, back to the pointless plot thing that seems to be the feature of this issue, but I'll do the quick version - Jesse is beating the crap out of Cassidy, who's fighting is, well, I think Jesus de Sade's armadillo could have done a better job. On the rooftop, Featherstone appears, calls Starr a monster, and he shoots her (major character no. 1: Slotted). Jesse is still doing rather well in the fight, explaining as he goes that despite Cassidy's strength, he never had to learn to use it. Meanwhile, Tulip blows up a petrol station, and all the Grail soldiers nearby as well as finding out where Starr is - this woman really knows how to get work done. The explosion is seen by Jesse and Cassidy, and the vampire is in a bit of a mess now, while Jesse is furious at having been let 'down so bad'. On the rooftop, Hoover sees what used to be Featherstone, and finally manages to call Starr a motherfucker before he too goes the way of the dodo (major character no. 2: Slotted). Cassidy stops the fight by asking why Jesse let him stick around, and by explaining from the day they first met, he had really tried to mend his ways. He says how he needs Jesse's help or he's damned and then used old Gunther Hahn's line of 'can yeh reach out a hand to a friend', only Gunther did that one without the accent. Still, guess he didn't read Salvation, seeing as all Gunther got from Jesse was a rope to hang himself with. But, Jesse is confused now, and is finally convinced when Cassidy accuses him of not standing by his friends when 'they're stuck on the road to hell'. Jesse reluctantly takes his hand in forgiveness, and Cassidy punches him clear into the air breaking his breastbone. Jesse, realising the deception, is all ready to go on for Round 2, but Cassidy just calmly puts his shades back on (note - not so dark now), and explains how he'll never be someone to rely on and was grateful that someone like Jesse would be his friend. The sun starts to rise, and Jesse pleads for the vampire to get inside, but Cassidy just ignores him, catches fire, and finally explodes like '6 tons of semtex' (major character no. 3: Slotted). At that very moment, Starr gives the order to fire on Jesse (major character no. 4: Slotted), and Genesis is set free. Tulip eliminates the Grail soldiers on the rooftop, and her and Starr trade fire until Starr is right on top of her with a gun to her head. Only problem is, it's empty, and Tulip blows his brains out. Nice bit here - even with half his head missing, Starr still has time for one final 'shit.' (major character no. 5: Slotted). Tulip rushes out towards the Alamo, and stops, horrified as she sees Jesse with a bullet through his head (won't say too much though about the effects of a high-velocity sniper rifle on a skull, other than, it don't just leave a little trickle of blood.). It ends there, with what I reckon is the most memorable line (excluding 'I can explain' and all the other funny ones) in this damned fine comic: 'And that was how they killed him, covered in the ashes of his dearest friend.' Now, I realise that this here review is a wee bit too description heavy, and sure it could have been summed up in 'everyone except Tulip dies', but this is the ending folks. More to the point, Ennis and Dillon realised it too, because there was no fart-arsing around with 'how that bullet to the head makes you feel'. From the beginning it was clear that everyone would be pushing up daisies, and the only thing that went on apart from that was Cassidy getting Jesse's forgiveness. With so much action and the odd loose tie to sort out, there wasn't really a need for too much dialogue - pure shock tactics here. Plus, being Preacher, nobody was pulling any punches, and if the most likeable characters are going to be killed off, then yes, they do get killed, no 'well he/she might survive'. I'll admit, it doesn't leave you with a sense of closure, and considering the characters that bought it, if this was the ending I'd be pretty pissed off, but it's not, and if nothing else, it certainly got rid of the whole Grail problem!

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

66: A Hell Of A Vision

'It's the day after High Noon.' and opening up the comic you're confronted by Jesse's overly long letter to Tulip explaining what everyone with a brain has already worked out. So I wont bother to even sum it up. But then Jesse and Tulip are in the bus station, Tulip collecting their ill-gotten gains. Jesse is not only alive, but he's got his eye back. Tulip doesn't give a flying pig's fart for his explanations and demands to know if Jesse's quest was worth the price, and promptly buggers off without waiting for an answer. Jesse, slumped by the lockers, finds a letter in his pocket from Cassidy, apologising and thanking him for being a friend. Jesse seems all regretful, and says goodbye, all forgiven (aah.). Now then, the end of the quest? Genesis free of it's host means that God returns to heaven and explains how Cassidy had made a deal - he could 'knock the fuck' out of Jesse so Genesis could be removed, and in return Jesse and Cassidy would live (hence the reason Jesse is wandering around) and God agreed, even keeping his side of the bargain because, as we have been told until even the brain-dead got the idea, he is a loving God. Jesse meanwhile has realised that he cannot live without Tulip and even breaks the law (shocking this) by stealing a horse. Tulip herself is stuck in traffic and while reaching for her fags finds a letter from Cassidy, telling her the truth of how Jesse said 'tell her I love her' as he fell from the plane. Quite the little postman isn't he? Now, y'all might be wondering how that note got in Tulip's bag, and the other one in Jesse's pocket (and why Jesse is holding the reigns in a different hand in every damn frame). So do ya? Do ya just gots ta know? (that's not bad typing by the way Caleb, it's a quote from Dirty Harry so don't you go and correct it!) Sure you do! And I'm the person what's gonna help you. See, when Jesse and Tulip are in the bus station there's this guy about 3 lockers away ignoring them. Then there's the whole angst-ridden thing and the rest of the world takes a back seat for a while. Now the guy lurking in the suit gets right up behind them (but no close up on the face) and then wanders off, but you can see that despite the suit he's wearing big clod-hopper boots (which just plain don't go with the jacket). Coupled with the fact he's got spikey hair, shades and looks about 16, I wonder who that would be? Well, it's either Bono from U2, or Cassidy. Irrelevant, oh yeah. Now, where was I? Oh yes. As Tulip sits there in shock, Jesse rides up on his stolen horse and asks her to come with him. As if to prove he's going to change, he leaves all the 'macho bullshit' behind, and cries for the first time since Jody shot his dad. Back to heaven, God reaches his throne, but in front of him stands the Saint of Killers, and the entire host of angels dead at his feet. The Saint says how this is for his family and God does his whole Old Testament Hellfire-And-Damnation thing, until the Saint raises his pistol. At this point, I think Mr Ennis was watching Unforgiven as the cowboy demands vengeance and the baddy begs for his life in a rather familiar and pathetic plea, e.g "I was building a house" (can you think of a more unconvincing way of trying to save your life?) or "I just wanted to be loved". If you've seen the film, you know what happens, if you haven't, it's the big fuck-off bullet in the brain. Time for happy endings now. Yay. Jesse and Tulip ride off through the desert into the sunset, not caring where they go or what they do (I'll tell you guys, it's a trailer outside Houston with 7 kids, a drinking problem and an unhappy divorce after a spell of domestic violence). Doesn't that just bring a lump to the throat? No, not really. Much more dignified, the Saint sits himself down on God's throne, pulls his hat over his eyes, at last with the one thing he wanted - to rest. Meanwhile, same sunset, different part of the desert, Cassidy watches the sun go down. God's brought him back to life, given him pretty blue eyes, and even given him a shave. Very symbolic, he throws away his shades, and is going to start 'acting like a man', which is really quite impressive, because it seems that God has returned him to his pre-vampire age of 16 - Christ, he wont even be able to buy a drink. Anyway, he fastens the photo of him, Jesse and Tulip to the mirror, and drives away. I think I'll go get a bucket. Just to finish it off suitably, there's another collection of totally shite artwork done by people who can't draw and probably haven't even read this comic. Lucky them, see, the one thing about Preacher is that it's dark, sadistic, funny, violent, and that's what makes it a fresh spurt of blood in the world of dry lifeless comics. But to suddenly go for a mushy ending? Hell, not all Westerns have happy endings, especially not the Clint Eastwood ones - the hero's a bastard, kills a lot of people, gets his heart broken and then buggers off into the middle distance. I think it just aint right, in fact, if they'd tarted up 65 a bit, they could have finished the series there, sense of closure or no. Sorry Mr Ennis, you could have finished this fucking outrageous comic on a note that was, well, slightly less crap. Van Gogh didn't look at his Sunflowers and go, "no, I have to change the theme for the ending" and put smiley faces on the flowers; you got a good thing going, you don't go ruin in at the end, cos it's the ending that people will remember. To sum it up, in the ever direct words of (someone who is not) that wise sage Lord Savaunt of the internet: 'No. 66 sucked, and you know it'.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney