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51: Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose

Tulip wakes up, and she's run out of Valium. She has a shower, gets herself smartened up for what seems like the first time in ages, and Cassidy wakes up. Tulip tells him that she's leaving, and when he seems a little unwilling, Tulip pulls out a gun. Cassidy takes the piss, until she shoots him, which blows him straight out the door into the sunlight, and while he's hiding under a car, she runs over his feet. Nice to see Tulip finally getting her act together, at long last. Suddenly, it's over to Tulip's dad, waiting in a bar with his friends for the birth of his son. Things don't quite turn out right when his wife dies and the baby's a girl, but he kind of falls in love with her the first time he sees her. Tulip grows up loading guns and shooting automatics. Even her dad's friends get into things and get upset when Tulip isn't allowed to play baseball. Tulip doesn't have too good a time at school - doesn't really have any friends and beating up the other kids with a baseball bat and her principal trying to get her into more 'feminine pursuits' (shit, this is starting to sound like my childhood). When Tulip asks why he had to be nice to the principal, he explains that its because she's a woman, and being nice to women is 'how we're raised' - bear that in mind, it's gonna crop up later. Her daddy takes her shark fishing, gets his hand bitten off, and reads war stories to her at night. Wondering what this has to do with anything? Well, all will be explained, but basically, it's to show how Tulip grew up to be so tough, and how much she really loved her Daddy.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

52: Even Hitgirls Get The Blues

Tulip arrives at a diner, far away from any liquor stores, and promptly continues to remember her childhood. Tulip and her Daddy are out in the mountains hunting deer, and he merrily goes off to take a shit, and gets shot by two confused hunters. Tulip obviously takes things rather badly and she just buries herself in studying, not talking to anyone. Finally, the richest girl in the school, Amy, befriends Tulip because she's the one person who wouldn't be friends because of her money. The two spend Christmas together, and go out to a party. They get drunk, and are about to leave when a group of guys grab Amy and try to rape her. Tulip promptly drives a truck into the party and threatens them with a sawn-off shotgun. Amy tearfully thanks Tulip for saving her, and they become firm friends so when Amy's dad dies while having sex with a prostitute and Amy inherits a huge amount of money the two of them decide to take a year or two off before college. It's at this point that Tulip meets Jesse, and after trying to drown his girlfriend they have sex. Now, just to confuse matters, Tulip is telling Amy that he's gone, and it's now, except they're wearing the same clothes, so just a tiny bit bewildering. Amy tells Tulip that he isn't gone, and Tulip goes to pieces, claiming that Amy is just trying to trick her, when all of a sudden, the doorbell rings... Nice one this. Bit of a girlie story, nothing to do with much other than provide a bit of background for Tulip's character (long overdue), but it's well written, moves along nicely, and a neat little story.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

53: Too Dumb For New York City And Too Ugly For L.A.

Just as things are getting exciting, with the reader waiting for the big meeting between Tulip and Jesse, its over to Jesse and Skeeter driving along. Jesse decides to pick up a hitch-hiker, assuming that it isn't Mr Hauer (guess he had to sit through that God-damn awful film too). Turns out that the guy's a bit of a psycho, an ex-porno producer who's been blacklisted after killing a group of people in a vibrator accident. Hey ho. He drops the hitcher off, and picks up two more, and wahey! It's Bob and Freddy! The Sexual Investigators from ages ago! They're in a bit of trouble having had to blow an entire English rugby team after ripping them off for the petrol money. Jesse recognises them from somewhere, but can't quite remember. They tell Jesse all about how they started their business and they're now looking for one Tom Cooze - they last guy that Jesse gave a lift to. He drops them off in Bethlehem (no, we're not going all allegorical here) and remembers who they are just as he drives off. With no more hitchers, Jesse resorts to talk radio, where they're having a debate between a feminist and a guy completely opposed to it. They basically have a bit of a barny and Jesse finally stops the argument by phoning in and using Genesis makes them tell everyone 'what they really want'. He drives off as the two of them announce that they want cock. God, think of all the fun you could have with those people! Anyway, for no apparent reason, Jesse then picks up Elvis, who is complete with blue suede shoes, and gives him a lift. Finally, just as I can't take any more, he arrives at Amy's apartment, and she tells him the Tulip is there. All I can say about this one is: Why? Who knows? Who cares?!

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

54: I Built My Dreams Around You

As usual, starts off bloody weird. Tulip and Jesse, naked and covered in sweat, finally get round to saying hello and Tulip eventually asks what happened to him, where he's been, and all that sort of thing. Amy has sought sanctuary in a bar and is quietly getting well and truly rat-arsed. Tulip is furious that Jesse left her with Cassidy after he saw them together in Phoenix, and then realises that she never told him what Cassidy was really like, so she tells him. Jesse wonders what's really been going on with Cassidy all through the years, but Tulip just wants to get out. Amy's getting on really well with the barman, telling him all about how Jesse and Tulip are crazy about each other, and he tells her how he was accidentally chemically castrated. See, that's the problem with picking up strangers in bars. Whilst sorting out a parking ticket he was mistaken for a paedophile and castrated, but the compensation was taken away by his ex-wife, hence the job in the bar, but he turned into a hopeless romantic which is why he was so happy to hear about Jesse and Tulip's story. Tulip, meanwhile, throws a snowball at Jesse in one of those very profound moments that you get in Preacher, and when she asks why he always has to make life tough on himself, he tells her its because it's 'the way we're raised'. Told you that bit with her father was relevant, and Amy was right that Tulip would one day meet a guy like her Daddy. Ahh... How sweet. Get me a bucket.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

55: Harbinger

Finally! At long last Hoover makes his appearance! You remember him, sent off by Jesse to count 3 million grains of sand? Well, he did it, although it was a close thing as he was nearly side tracked by his good friends Mr Fish and Mr Rock! While Hoover celebrates, Jesse wanders over to Cassidy's old haunt McSorleys in the hope of finding out more about him. Turns out that there isn't anyone who remembers him still there, but an old bag lady offers to tell Jesse more about him. Starr seems to be cracking under pressure - he resorts to chasing old ladies and shooting loud speakers in an airport, and his day doesn't much improve when Eisenstein, his old mentor appears to investigate him, thus challenging his position as Allfather. The bag lady Jesse met, Sally, starts to tell him that there's more to Cassidy than the devil-may-care vampire he comes across as. The comic ends with Hoover reunited with Featherstone, but Starr is far too concerned about Eisenstein's sudden appearance to care. Not a bad one this, looks like the build up to the final show down, and Starr's the real hero here - he's like the worst tempered man in existence, and the sight of him frantically chasing a little old lady with a trolley is brilliant.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

56: Smile Like The Gates Of Hell

Nice cover to this one - it's got everybody on it except for God, and there's a nice one of Arseface. Anyway, speaking of the fella that's got a face like an arse, he seems to be heading for failure - the bills are mounting up, and his agent is more concerned with keeping Arseface happy by supplying him with ladies who have 'enawmous breasts'. Sally continues with her tale about Cassidy, 'the nicest piece of shit I ever did meet', saying about how in the 1930s he discovered drugs, and it was all downhill after that. Starr realises that there's still some evidence about his failure to deal with the Grail, a guy named Peck who is in hospital, and Eisenstein has discovered he exists so promptly goes to visit him. Eisenstein has anaesthetised Peck and tells him about the Russian commandos who would do anything to survive, including cannibalise, and all the time telling him not to look round. When Peck is finally allowed to look, there's Eisenstein's Russian bodyguard chewing away half of Peck's hand - I think we can be pretty sure he talked. Sally tells Jesse how Cassidy and his girlfriend eventually ran out of money for drugs, and went to see the drug dealer who refuses to let them have any, but offers to give a couple of caps in exchange for a blow job. The two go home and start going cold turkey, when they're desperate the girlfriend offers to go and see the dealer, but Cassidy won't let her. At this point its full marks for logic on the part of his girlfriend as she suggests he goes. I thought that was fucking hilarious, nice go for women's lib there, but then he turns round and breaks her jaw. Definitely heading for bid angst here, and Dillon has started drawing Cassidy with a kind of green tinge to make him look a bit more evil, but to be honest he looks more like David Bowie being seasick. Strange that.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

57: Of The Irish In America

I have to be honest here - this one nearly put me off reading Preacher altogether, mainly on account of the fact that it screwed with my mind. The cover was scary enough, but I was lulled into a false sense of security as Starr decides to hire a few killers - Aha! That's more like it, back to good old normal Preacher. No. It was the fact that Cassidy seemed to have taken up the drug dealer's offer (from the last instalment) seeing as how he's kneeling there wiping his mouth. That's it, my feeble mind can't cope - this is worse than TC and the chicken!. Not to mention poor old Arseface - he seemed so happy, in the bath with the two women and champagne one moment, and the next he's got a crowd shouting 'wipe the arse' and heading for an all out religious war. Still, you know that Jesse's pretty much decided to finish with Cassidy when he finds out about him wanting to snack out on his girlfriend, and Dillon does a good job of the 'sitting there naked eating rats' look (Cassidy doing that, not Dillon). The best bit of this comic is Starr's attempts to kill off Eisenstein before he can condemn him - I don't know what's better, Eisenstein sitting there writing his report while ignoring the commandos that shoot in through the window, or Starr's fatalistic 'shit.' At the end of each failed attempt. Finally, Jesse's informant dies, conveniently just as she finishes her tale, and Jesse heads home. The comic ends with Cassidy appearing at the door, with Dillon having made the switch to drawing him all dark and ominous, and you kind of get the impression that the shit is going to start hitting the fan.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

58: Dot The I's And Cross The T's

Starts off with the crazy guy in the desert listening in on a space shuttle transmission, and it seems that the shuttle Atlantis is going to be passing over Death Valley to look at the fallout. Cassidy arrives at Amy's house and is surprised to see Jesse, Jesse won't talk to him and then Tulip arrives with her Magnum. Cassidy is winging a bit, and then Amy appears with a gun. Things are getting pretty heated, and then Jesse tells Cassidy he knows all about Gilly. Cassidy has had enough and just goes to punch Jesse but our hero catches his fist and tells him they'll meet at the Alamo, before just closing the door on Cassidy. All very exciting. Anyway, Jesse asks to go to the hospital to get his hand fixed, and Starr goes to meet Eisenstein. Eisenstein has discovered that Starr destroyed Masada, and killed both d'Aronique and the child. So, Starr simply throws him off the building. The Russian bodyguard grabs hold of Starr's leg, his prosthetic one, and while he's standing there looking at the leg in his hand, Starr just shoots him. Starr is doing a happy little dance, when the dog attacks him, and Hoover and Featherstone arrive just in time to see that Starr's 'cock is in the bitches mouth. And not in a good way'. Arseface is finally banned, and thrown out of his mansion, not to mention under the threat of excommunication. Jesse and Tulip say goodbye to Amy, who wishes she could either go with them or be one of them. Huh? Anyway, lots of angst and wrapping up loose ends, but ends on a nice happy note as the people on the shuttle announce they can see a giant message in the desert, which makes the crazy man really happy.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

Tall In The Saddle

This one is back in the good old days when Jesse, Tulip and Amy were on the crime spree. Jesse and Tulip were being chased by the police, while Amy and a useless guy named Bobby are driving a truck loaded up with stolen cars, but they crash into the fleeing Jesse and Tulip. To cut a long story short, the truck goes over the edge, although everyone is safe, but now minus one million dollars. They guy who was meant to buy the cars off them is understandably upset, and suggests Jesse pays off the debt by driving a truck full of stolen horses. Jesse and his Texan sense of honour says no and beats the hell out of most of them, and our three heroes make their escape observed by a cowboy guy. They're neatly holed up in a motel, where Jesse and Amy don't kiss, once again observed by cowboy guy. Finally, the cowboy guy (Tom) turns up and tells them he's a Texas Ranger. He knows all about the car theft, and offers a solution in that Jesse recovers the stolen horses in return for Tom suddenly forgetting all about their existence. Our heroes head off down to Muleshoe (love the sign: Welcome to Muleshoe - You sinned in a previous life), and are met by a welcoming committee. In a not too welcoming way, they blow Bobby's brains out and there's a general fight. A load of other guys with guns show up, and Jesse and Tom are pretty much captured instantly, while Tulip and Amy make their escape. Now tied up, Jesse and Tom meet the fat French guy who is buying the horses to eat, with the stereotypical name of Vichy. Vichy shoots Tom, and then the bad guy drags them off to the slaughterhouse under the threat that as soon as Tulip and Amy are captured they're going to get the chainsaw treatment. Jesse and Tom are tied up to a pillar and have a very touching moment as Jesse demonstrates the sense of respect he has developed for the old ranger. Just in time to stop the reader from throwing up, Tulip and Amy arrive for the rescue. The big guy who keeps getting beaten up by Jesse tries to stop them, so Jesse rips his eye out and then puts a bolt through his head. Nice. Anyway, Tom decides to peg it but in another touching moment gives Jesse his star. Jesse finds a big stallion and starts a stampede which crushes several of the baddies. Guess Ennis don't know too much about horses, but there you go. Jesse settles things nicely by dragging Vichy into the desert and hanging him. Finishes with a nice little Southern thang as Jesse rides off into the sunset talking to his horse. Why did they write this one? Who knows? Who cares? Preacher is part horror, part crime and part western, and I guess they just realised they needed a bit more western, and what better than horse thieves?

Comments by Cassandra Courtney