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8: All In The Family

This is Preacher, so no gentle start to a comic. It's 1974 and little Jesse watches as a bloke in a sack turns out to be his Daddy and then gets shot in the head. Then it's now, and Jesse and Tulip are tied to chairs and his Gran'ma is talking to them. Just to make sure that everyone is totally confused, its over to this morning, and Tulip has just told Jesse that she's a hit-person. Tulip tells of how after she was dumped in Phoenix she'd struggled to find money, until finally she went to ruin on the drink. She borrowed money from a club-owner for re-hab, and then had to pay him back by working for him. Jesse promises that they'll go and see MacAvoy as soon as they get into town and also to tell her at long last why he ended up a Preacher. They get to the club and are all argueing, when a one-man army bursts through the door and kills pretty much everybody. Jesse recognises the man as Jody and uses the Word to tell Jody to drop the gun, but he just stands there grinning, and finally turns round and shoots MacAvoy. Now, everyone gives Jody a lot of bad press, but on a plus note, Tulip doesn't have to pay the money back. The two of them get stuck in a van with an inbred bloke called TC, and Jesse tries to convince them Tulip's a hitch-hiker so as to save her, but they don't fall for it so Jesse starts begging. Then they arrive at Angelville, a nice little plantation complete with burning crosses on the lawn. This is where Jesse grew up, and the two of them get tied to chairs while Jesse warns Tulip to keep quiet no matter what. Jody offers Jesse a smoke, and shows him a lighter with 'Fuck Communism' on it. Then Gran'ma appears and tells Jesse that he has to come back home and be a good Preacher, and that he will be left alone with Tulip until dawn, and that's when Jody will blow her brains out. Meeting Jesse's family, you suddenly start to realise why he ain't exactly normal.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

9: When The Story Began

Gran'ma's sitting in her room having a chat with God, and Jesse's parents meet when Texas is on his way home and a mad woman in the bus station rushes up and spits on him. Fine, I can see the romance blossoming already. After a lot of agro from her friends, Texas takes himself off to a bar, and the woman, Christina, walks up crying, he starts crying, and they hug. Okay. They talk for a while, shag a lot, and eventually Jesse is born. They're doing the happy family bit, when Christina's 'relatives' Jody and TC appear. Texas beats the shit out of Jody, but when they realise that Christina has a problem on account of little Jesse. The three are taken to Angelville, and Gran'ma forces them to marry and live there as a family. One night Texas goes to wake Jesse up and tells him to be one of the good guys, because they're going to escape. They get caught after 2 miles and Texas gets shot. Jesse and his mum go back, and Jesse speaks of how he had a few normal things in his childhood. The first was his dog Duke, and his one-eyed friend Billy-Bob who was destined to marry his sister like the family tradition went (well, this is the South). Gran'ma starts to teach Jesse about God, telling him how He's always there and Jesse thinks that's scary, but a quick slap from Gran'ma soon convinces him that God is good. Then one day TC is telling Jody how he was screwing a fish, when the dog Duke starts humping Jody's leg, so he nails it to a post. Jesse rushes out swearing and tries to hit Jesse. Unfortunately, Gran'ma heard his cussing, and sticks him in a coffin that gets put in the bayou. Christina tells them she won't let the sick old whore do that, and Jody drags her off never to be seen again.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

10: How I Learned To Love The Lord

Tulip and Jesse are still tied up, and he continues with his happy little childhood tale. Finally let out of the coffin he goes back to the house and learning his page a day of the Bible, which cheered him up because he realised that at least God loved him. Billy-Bob was due to marry his sister and Jesse agreed to be his best man, until the day came that TC fucked the chicken. This is how Ennis packs such a punch, he can get something sick or horrific, and by just being casual about it, makes it twenty times worse. Anyway, Billy-Bob was in the barn when TC got the chicken, and when TC found him there merrily cut his throat. Jesse beats the shit out of TC and promises to do the same to Jody, just like his Daddy did. Of course, with the army of one, this plan didn't quite work because Jody broke his arm and Gran'ma stuck him in the coffin. When he got out he went to see Billy-Bob's family to tell them he died in the swamp, but they just bawl him out. Jesse decides to leave, aged 17, and finds work in Texas with horses and trucks. That was where he met Tulip, and they passed their time stealing cars for money and screwing a lot while he tells her he'll love her until the end of the world. They get to Phoenix, and while Tulip goes to fetch some beer, Jesse is planning to ask her to marry him, when Jody and TC turn up saying he has to go back or they'll kill Tulip. Back at Angelville, Jody beats him up a bit and he spends a month in the coffin, until he finally did learn to love the lord, and agreed to become a minister. Jesse tells Tulip that he's sorry he didn't tell her sooner, and that he's probably got her killed, but he loves her. Just at this very touching moment, Jody blows her brains out.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

11: Pardners

Gran'ma tells Jesse that God's going to look after them while she rebuilds the family dynasty, but Jesse is too busy watching Tulip's body get dragged away. The human prune then tells Jody to take Jesse away and the body to her room. Once in there, the body suddenly wakes up. Odd that. Jesse sits on a bed and listens to Jody talking to TC about how ungrateful he is to his old Gran'ma, when John Wayne turns up and says that 'the basterds sorta got himself a point'. The Duke reminds him about the time Jesse had been in the coffin and he'd told him that he'd always be there to help, and then complains that he seems to have forgotten that. Tulip, very much alive, is having a bit of a chat with God, who has resurrected her. God gives her the message for Jesse that he should stop his search, and that He has restored Jesse's power over the family. Back to Jesse and John Wayne, and Jesse is remembering how he'd gone to ruin as a minister while John Wayne complains that he always gave up too easily, but he didn't give up on Jesse because they're Pardners. For no apparent reason, its over to Tulip sucking off Jesse in the middle of Monument Valley. Then, TC wakes him up, and without thinking, Jesse uses the Word on him, and it works. He beats the hell out of the chicken-fucker, and John Wayne tells him to go and get his revenge, and Jesse strides out, looking for the rest of his screwed-up family.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

12: Until The End Of The World

Tulip is still arguing with God, and they've been there all day. Tulip can't understand why she had to be killed to give the message and God just yells at her and leaves. Jesse strides out onto the lawn, where Jody and his friends are having a nice little beer beside the burning crosses. Not wanting to waste time, Jesse just uses the Word to get them to burn, although Jody throws himself in a horse trough. Jesse tells him that he could use the Word to make him do anything, but he won't. Jody grins and throws down his gun, and they have one hell of a fight, which Jesse seems to be winning. Tulip goes on the prowl and pushes Gran'ma out of her chair, then grabs TC's shotgun and slots him. Gran'ma yells at Jody to kill Jesse and disowns him for burning down her beautiful house. They start to really fight, and Jesse kills him as the house burns down and Gran'ma rockets to hell. Jesse takes the Fuck Communism off Jody's body, and Tulip appears. Jesse doesn't care how she came back to life, and they kiss as the house burns behind them. Don't you just love happy endings?

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

13: Came A Pale Rider

Ennis outdid himself this time - Biblical quotation AND a Clint Eastwood film! Starts off with the Saint admiring Jesse's effect on Angelville, just to hint at the ongoing story, but then moves on to a naked guy in bed with four other people enquiring after his briefcase of heroine, just so you know this is going to be a completely different little tale from the rest. Naked guy, Jesus de Sade, then goes on to bugger an armadillo. Hey ho. Jesse and Tulip are in the bath discussing her getting shot in the head and shagging a lot, so it seems Jesse has got his evil way after all. Hoover and Featherstone are warned by their French boss that a German called Starr is coming to help them with their investigation into Custer. Jesse, meanwhile, has gone with Tulip to a concert of 'The Big Noise Generator' who are singing a cheerful little song of 'All Scottish people are bastards'. The lyrics are even better, but anyway, they meet up with Cassidy. Starr arrives and promptly tells the French boss that Hoover and Featherstone are part of a conspiracy to destroy the Grail and promptly blows his head off, before asking about Custer and where he can find an experienced whore. Tulip has gone home, while Jesse and Cassidy go to a bar to discuss how Jesse used the Word to get $10,000 from a bank. They get into a bar fight, as usual, and Cassidy gets stabbed, as usual. Jesse stops him snacking out on and Cassidy tells him he buried his girlfriend last week. As often happens in these little tales that wander off the ongoing plot, Ennis had to work on the whole building-it-up thing, so a lot doesn't make sense. Still, we get to meet the Grail, feel sorry for an armadillo, and get a punk concert in, so the plot isn't too hard to follow this time. Plus the 'All Scottish people are bastards' song makes it worth it!

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

14: Boys Will Be Boys

Oh no, you can't tell Ennis is Irish. First Brits you get to meet are two very odd Northerners working as 'sexual investigators', in an office paid for by one of them working as a rent boy. Still, it seems that they're the ones who have to get the heroin to de Sade, which may set them up for life. A very hung-over Cassidy sits in his dead girlfriend's flat while a very hung-over Jesse complains about the word 'insecure'. Thing get very odd as Cassidy chases the cat around the flat, but when he tries to kick it he knocks a hole in the wall and they discover a mini-safe. The cat seems to have the combination and Jesse tries to use the Word to get the cat, but surprisingly it doesn't work. See, this never happens to me when I get a hang-over; arguments with a cat, yes, but I have yet to find a safe in the wall. Starr tells Featherstone he chose her for his conspiracy because she had been known to question Grail policy, and that he intends to stop the Grail plan to produce a messiah, as he believes that the messiah should be Jesse.. Jesse and Cassidy are still looking for the cat, which attacks them, and Cassidy falls out the window into the sunlight. Meanwhile, de Sade is riding on a bike and parking it in a butler's arse, planning a party where everyone must screw and get high. A rather scorched Cassidy is getting drunk while Jesse has got the combination, put the cat in the loo, and the two of them discover the safe contains packets of heroine, a card from the 'Sexual Investigators' and some dynamite. Hoover goes to arrange Starr a prostitute, but the ones he finds give him a card for the 'Sexual Investigators'. He gives them a phone call and explains how he's arranging it for someone else, and tells an extremely happy Starr. Jesse goes back to the hotel to find Tulip and tells her that he and Cassidy intend to find the heroine dealers and break their legs. Cassidy, however, gets a visit from the Brits while he's hiding under the bed. They find the heroin and the cat in the toilet and leave the hiding Cassidy preparing to kill the cat. Fair enough, but then, after the armadillo, I think animal-lovers are probably de-sensitised. It ends on a nice cheerful note as the Brit goes to do Starr up the back alley in a back alley. Lots happening in this one, but I loved the cat.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

15: Crashing The Party

Jesse and Cassidy go to pay the Sexual Investigators a visit and cause as much harm as possible, as well as getting de Sade's address. They walk in and through one guy out of the window - not one of the Brits though. Starr is less than pleased with Hoover's arrangement for him, and tries to kill him, but is stopped by Featherstone announcing that they found Custer. Jesse has tied up the other guy, and Cassidy gives him a friendly German interrogation. The guy however, turns out to have been looking for the Brits too, on account of a beating he got because Cassidy's girlfriend didn't deliver the drugs. Cassidy gets a little upset, gets the news about de Sade's party, and throws the guy through the wall. The Brits turn out to be very popular, because Starr and Hoover are looking for them as well. They fish the guy out of the wall, and after some more gentle persuasion give them the same information and tells Starr that it was Jesse and Cassidy before Hoover shoots him. Over to the party, and there are a lot of very strange people there, gimps, people in bunny suits and Spock. Our heroes gate-crash the party after a bizarre conversation completely in 80s buzz-words, and go off to find the Brits. Tulip gets threatened by a madwoman brandishing a cucumber - so she pulls out a gun, Cassidy gets a vamp-woman asking him to bite her, and Jesse wanders into a room full of sheep before finally finding de Sade. Outside, Starr and some mercs get ready to make an assault on the place. This one is great - all the weirs stuff going on in the background, like the guy running about with a feather-duster, the one in a chicken suit... It's bloody hilarious. Sick. Deranged. Brilliant.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

16: Judgment Night

Jesse finds Cassidy, but they loose de Sade. The party is still going full swing as Starr & Co. arrive, and Tulip overhears that they're looking for Jesse. Jesse meanwhile walks in on a porn movie and starts to beat the hell out of de Sade and Tulip gets into a gun battle with Starr. Cassidy recognises the Brit's accents and hits one of them and gets his hand stuck in the guy's face. Unfortunately, he's trapped, and the other guy decides to bugger him. Okay. Tulip neatly disposes of all the mercs, much to Starr's surprise, as she eliminates most of his assault team. Cassidy finally gets his hand out of the guy's mouth, throws the other out of the window, and goes to find the others. He rushes in just as Tulip shoots Starr's ear off but he has her at gunpoint. Starr demands to know where Custer is, or he'll shoot, so Cassidy says he is Custer, and Starr takes him away. Jesse, however, has just finished beating up de Sade, and as he goes outside is nearly run over by the van Tulip's in - he sees her and rushes after in the car that the Brit fell on. Jesse forces the van off the road, rescues Tulip, and ties up Featherstone and Hoover, who defiently refuse to tell him where Custer has been taken. Jesse informs them that he's going to make them tell him what happened to Cassidy and that he's going to get him no matter what. This one nicely ties up a few loose ends, keeps the humour with the strangeness of the party, and shows how our heroes are really decent people, if not a little, um, murderous. Plus, it leads the way nicely onto the ongoing battle with the Grail.

Comments by Cassandra Courtney

17: Miracle Man

Cassidy and his rather odd accent are being flown somewhere by Starr, and followed by one of the Grail's friends - a USAF plane. They land in Masada, and Starr tells his 2 I-C that his visit to San Francisco was 'a pain in the arse'. He he! Cassidy gets an explanation about the Grail being set up to preserve the bloodline of Christ, and Starr tells him that he wants to replace the less than perfect child of the bloodline with Custer as the new messiah, which cheers Cassidy up. Jesse has found out all about the Grail, although from Hoover and Featherstone. He decides to take them with him to stop them calling Starr, but Featherstone throws herself out of the car, and covers her ears so she can't hear him using the Word to call her back. Hoover, however, gets told to go and count 3 million grains of sand on the beach. Back at Masada, Starr asks to see Cassidy's 'power' by getting him to use his Word to cure an old man. Sure enough, in an impressive tone he tells the guy to cast aside his crutches and walk, and the cripple falls flat on his face. Not to mention the fact that he keeps forgetting his accent. Already suspicious, Starr gets a call from Featherstone and realises that they haven't got Custer. He sends Cassidy down to the ominous sounding 'Cell 99', where someone or something tells him that his name is Cassidy, and Starr promptly shoots him to bits with a machine gun. Jesse and Tulip are in bed discussing feminist writers - he apparently prefers Greer, and he's explaining that he doesn't want Tulip to come with him to France after seeing her get shot back at Angelville. Starr tells the soldiers to clean up the body, but Cassidy wakes up and attacks them. He gets another two clips from Starr and one of the soldiers, but he's still alive, something which Starr feels he needs to change. It ends with Hoover, up to 9000 and loosing count as the wind blows away his pile of sand. Ah... Now this is getting interesting. Looks like an all-out war to me...

Comments by Cassandra Courtney