Hey kids.

Richard Drinkwater (now 18, so send him your respects, 'cos I forgot and so I'm doing it now) was the only one of you punks to send me any ideas for this week's weekly. His title (cobbled together by yours truly from a rather meandering e-mail) was:

"Is life better as a child or as an adult?"

So I've already discussed that subject before, at least in passing. However, now it's time for a deep and meaningful essay on the subject ^_^.

As a child...

And that's how far I got before I couldn't be arsed. Short answer = yes. Long answer = next week. Or whenever I come across a weekly like 39, when I have nothing else to say.

So this week! Or last three days. Whatever. Life is good! There are no worries! Why could this be? Well, I put it down to some healthy constipation. Or (to put it in terms you new people might understand) not giving a shit.

"Don't worry. Be happy!"

As the old advert with the flexing credit cards used to say. What's there to worry about, eh? We're young, healthy(ish), got our whole mother-fucking lives ahead of us, man!

(This week I are be mostly ripping style from Jay [AKA Jason Mewes])

I had a good day, today. And I'm gonna have a good one tomorrow. I've got me a cool bottle of Dr Pepper, some Tchaikovsky in the background, some Quavers in my belly... Things are good!

Speaking of Mr T. I first heard of the man back when I was in Year 2 or so. We were listening to some of his work in school and the teacher asked us if any of us knew who it was by. And I asked if it was by the same guy who wrote The Nutcracker (in those words, oh yeah!) and I was righteously correct! Natch. Any of you guys see that cartoon version of the thing, when you were kids? It was about this christmas tree fairy or something, dancing all over the place... Damn, it was good. And there was this other cartoon with some animals... and another with someone called Muggy Doo? Some shit like that. And we had them on Betamax Cassettes and we had a HUGE fuck-off Betamax VCR which could have crushed us ('cos we were only ickle) and I loved playing with the beast. I want my Betamax VCR back!

You know what Betamax was, yeah?

Ahhh... Some damn fine films on this week. Fuck! One's about to start in 20 minutes. Fright Night? Something like that. It's on Channel 5, so I know some of you may be wary. But it's got four stars in The Radio Times, man! And you gotta trust that book. It's like, The Good Book! Ha!

Anyway, so there's The Frightening and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Scream (which might not be good, but I haven't seen it yet) and a whole bunch more amazing films -ooh! Born on the Fourth of July!- over the next seven days, so watch 'em all, damn you! Watch 'em all and marvel over their collective beauty.

And comics! Man, I love them. They're so fucking cool, you know? With the pictures and the writing. Wow! I just read Chasing Dogma and it's like totally re-excited me in my comic books. I mean, I've loved them for over four and a half years now (fuck!) and sometimes, I'm ashamed to say, I do fall off the wagon. But not now, baby! I gots to gets me some more of those little darlings! So tomorrow... I go to a Comic Fair! YAY!!!!! And I've got like £30 and I'm gonna blow it all on exciting shit which makes my brain fire more and more!

And the last 30 minutes of Beautiful Girls! I saw it today, after seeing the first 75 minutes a few weeks back. And they were all sad and thought provoking. And they make you think, fuck the future! Have fun now and live with your friends and be happy as a pig in shit and -damn, I've finished my Dr Pepper. Don't matter, I can get some more on Monday! Yay! 'Cos we go back to school! And you know what? It's gonna fucking RULE! 'Cos they've got Dr Pepper and people I know and those little Jelly Tot sweets things and... YEAH!!!!! Coursework? Modules? Ain't no problem to me, brother! (Shit, I'm turning soul man on my ass! [and american too!!!]). Anyway, don't worry! If I fuck 'em up? So what, you know? It don't matter! And hell, I'm a certified fucking genius, man! I'm gonna pass my A Levels without even sweating about it! I'm gonna bash those fuckers up so bad they won't even see my ass as I run out of town, laughing my head off, swigging back some Dr Pepper, stuffing more Quavers in my face, farting triumphantly. Fuck, it's good to be alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wild mood swings? Me? Fucking comics, man!

And hey, sorry if any of my recent weeklies brought you down, y'ken? Forget 'em! They're yesterday's news! -ROCKING! There was some Dr Pepper left at the bottom of the bottle! HUZZAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!

Hell, whilst I'm at it, what else do I love? All of you guys, man! Sure, I don't know most of you... but that don't matter! We're all brothers and sisters, man! Love be with you all!

And here's a shitty little test! Dig my answers, daddio! I can't stop exclaiming shit!

Fuck. Here's the questionnaire thing;

~

COMPLETE-BOLLOCKS HOROSCOPE


Take a chance, answer the questions and DON'T scroll ahead. It is really, really, really odd how it turns out!!!!!!!

The year of the Iron Dragon, wishing you prosperity and good fortune.

COMPLETE-BOLLOCKS NEW YEAR
FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS - CHEAT AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. IT WON'T MAKE A FUCK'S WORTH OF DIFFERENCE!

Take 3 minutes and try this - it will totally not freak you out. The person who sent this said her wish came true 10 minutes after they read the mail. And she was probably lying through Satan's spunk or some shit.

This game has a funny / interesting / pointless outcome. Read ahead as much as you want!!! It takes about 3 minutes - Waste some more of your life!

First, get a pen and a piece of paper. Or just open a word processor such as Notepad. When you finally choose names, make sure it's people you want to shag, and go with your first instincts!!!!

Scroll down one line at the time - read ahead and you'll save time!





1. First, write numbers 1 through 11 in a column.





2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any 2 numbers you want.





3. Besides the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.





LOOK AHEAD AND SOD-ALL WILL HAPPEN





4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family..... ) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spot.





CHEAT AND SAVE TIME!





5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10, and 11.





6. Finally, make a wish.





And there is a key to the game:

1. You must tell 0 people about this game.

2. The person in space 3 is the one you love.

3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out.

4. You care most about the person you put in 4.

5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.

6. The person you named in 6 is the your lucky star.

7. the song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.

8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.

9. The 10th space is the song that tells you most about your mind.

10. And 11 is the song telling how you feel about life.





Send this to 0 people within the hour you read this.

If you do, sod-all will happen.

If you don't, sod-all will happen.

~

So I may have edited it slightly...

And here're my answers to the original:

~

1. 28
2. 37 = Tell this many.
3. Victoria = Love this person.
4. Ian = Care most about.
5. Rakan = Knows me very well.
6. Tessa = Lucky star.
7. Jenny = Like but can't work out.
8. The Meaning Of Life = Victoria's song.
9. Killer Queen = Jenny's song.
10. Smells Like Teen Spirit = Tells me about my own mind.
11. Bad = How I feel about life.

~

So it's all wrong and right and completely fudged up! And you know the best part? Even though I've got shitloads of these things before, I STILL FORGOT TO WISH FOR THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED!!!!!! How fucking cool is that? As cool as Mr Frosty fucking Santa's 17 year-old daughter!!!

Shit! Life is good! I'm off to watch that film and I'll send this later tonight.

Merry Christmas!!!