A point that I should probably have cleared up in 36.

And am doing so now because I think Gareth and some of you may have misunderstood.

What fills my head day and night are not thoughts of simply killing people.

The examples I gave in 36's hypothetical were just that.

The thoughts that fill my head night and day are images and scenes of ------ and --------- ----- -----.

And as I said, what worries me is that when I'm having the thoughts I'm extremely happy. Blissfully so.

Sorry for being so ambiguous in 35 and 36. It removed any point they might have had.

And when Gareth said I cared about people. Kind of. But as was meant, less and less of the time. And I have to keep reminding myself that other people are real and not just toys for me to play with.

Because if they were toys, then I could do whatever I wanted.

Now do you understand the self-loathing?

Some other stuff.

I'm back on track. Kind of. If I want my 52nd weekly to come out 52 weeks after the first? I simply have to write two a week from now until then. So at the moment I have stuff to say. So bi-weeklies they have become. Humperdideroonie.

I was scared that saying what I thought would be a bad thing. But since I hardly see any of you anyway, it hardly matters.

That's not an invitation for you to see me more.

I could clear up the ambiguity of 35! But I won't.

And I apologise about the overly dramatic style of the end of 36. It was the afternoon.

It's just like a diary! Only one I send out for other people to read...

A foolish practise.

But saves on the speaking.

Shit. The title of this e-mail is way too pretentious, no? It's not even as if I was a Christian. Or even religious. Bah, it can stay. I liked it when I made it.

Cheers to Alex for the snails.

This was no-where near as shocking as I thought it would be. Though since I haven't actually seen any of you yet, since sending it.. was it? Robert? Or just more regular whinings?

Richard's getting the idea of the weekly. Less "I played this computer game and it was fun" and more "I'm fucked in the head, d'ya hear? FUCKED IN THE HEAD!!!". Of course, he's ginger. So it's not as impressive. But some of you don't know what he looks like! So imagine him as all evil and monstrous and all shall be well.

On Friday? (because that's when the second of the weeklies always comes out. the first can be random, but the second is on friday) More interesting crap, I'm sure. Hell, I might just watch a film and tell you what I thought of it!

Tonight? Swingers is on Channel 4, at 11:05pm. Tape it or watch it for it seems most wondrous.

A promise. All future writings shall be free of ambiguity (I like that word, can you tell?). So if there's anything I don't want you to know? I simply shan't mention it! Damn, I'm too smart.

A question. "Hot damn!" Does anyone in The Simpsons ever say that? I have adopted it for my own, but if they do I'd like to know as well. 'Cos Jenny said they did. But I don't remember.

Whilst I'm naming people...

Michael! You finally got to find out! Because I'm sure you were just tearing your hair out over not knowing... So was it worth the wait? Or nowhere near as fucked up as you thought? Feedback'd be appreciated.

Hoom. Nothing of any consequence to actually say to the rest of you.

More fragmented than usual.

It suits it.

My room is full of sunlight but the sky's all dark and grey.

Our shower's broken. So I had to have a bath on Wednesday. And it looks the same today. Bath's are okay. They just take more effort.

Do you understand the self-loathing, now?