Colin Jackson
England

Dear Colin

Whoa!  You get the last letter in this fucked up crossover.

The main reason for this letter is I'm doing a five-part cross-over thingy and so I needed five people to send letters to.  And you are one of those lucky five!  But before I get to the screwed up story thang that I've got going on, I'll tell you what I've been doing on holiday so far (feel free to skip ahead).

For the first three days Jordan sucked @$$.  The reason for this is that I was in a scabby little village called Madeen.  Now if a scabby little village can be boring in England, imagine what it's like when you can't speak the language, there's nothing on the television, it's 40°C in the shade, and you just wanna go home!
But enough of the doom and gloom.  On the fourth day I left my family in said scabby village, and went to stay in Amman (Jordan's capital) with my uncle, aunt and cousins.  Amman rocks.  There's a swimming pool here which is stunning, and (best of all) they have computers!  I'm writing and printing this letter on the computer of my aunt's brother in-law.  And my cousin Nayef has some kick @$$ friends (Morad, Bashir and Jebber).  Also my cousin Fayez is pretty kewl too  (he asked me to write this.  He's only about ten, so what ya gonna do?)  Anyhow, the point is that this holiday started out crap, but has gotten really good.

I still miss England loads though.  When you're in England you don't realise how cool it truly is.  When you're in another country however, you do.  Let me count the ways in which England rocks;

1	My bed, upon which I greatly enjoy sleeping, is in England.
2	My television, in front of which I lay and watch hour upon hour of quality programming, is in England.
3	My computer, over which I sit hunched for hours, writing HTML in Notepad, is also (you guessed it) in England.

And many, many more reasons...

Now, somewhere between the lack of vampire bugs and the existence of toilets, you, Colin Jackson, appear.  And the £3'000 you get on your 17th birthday.  And of you giving that money to the Save the Caleb campaign...  You guessed it (maybe)...  it's story time!

~

	NOW!  TO SUMMARISE!  OUR CRACK RESISTENCE TEAM CONSISTS OF; S1 - CALEB'S DEATH-WISH S2 - CALEB'S NAIEVETY S3 - CALEB'S HATRED-OF-HUMANITY S4 - CALEB'S EXPERIENCE-OF-LOVE S5 - CALEB'S ABILITY-TO-WRITE-HTML ALSO, WE HAVE HAD £3'000 DONATED TO US BY THE VERY KIND COLIN JACKSON.
Sv	Yay!
	WHO'S BEEN (IMAGINATIVELY) CASTRATED AND STUCK IN CALEB'S HAREM!
Sv	Nay!
	NAY INDEED!  YOUR MISSION, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT (AND YOU DO), IS TO OVERPOWER CALEB'S IMAGINATION, REINSTATE ALL OTHER ASPECTS OF CALEB'S PERSONALITY, AND THEN FREE THE IMAGINARY MICHELLES, IANS, GARETHS, TESSAS AND COLINS AND TO UNCASTRATE THOSE REQUESTING IT.
Sv	Huzzah!
	OFF YOU GO THEN!
Sv	Huh?

Oh don't bother.  Honestly Caleb!  I knew you were hopeless, but this is the best you could do?  I mean, talk about sad!

YOU DON'T SCARE ME CALEB'S IMAGINATION!  WE ARE FIGHTING A JUST CAUSE!

Is that so?  Well what will you do if I eat your "resistance"?

NO!  DON'T... DO THAT...

I already have!  Hah!

NO!  HAH TO YOU!

Wha?

BOOM!!!

HEH HEH HEH!  I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RESIST EATING YOUR ENEMIES!  THAT'S WHY I REPLACED THEM WITH ROBOTS MADE FROM PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES (BOUGHT WITH THE MONIES DONATED BY COLIN).  AND WHEN YOU ATE THEM, I SIMPLY PRESSED THE DETONATOR!

D'oh!  You've ruined me!  I'm all in little pieces, spread all over the Caleb-scape!

YES.  WELL I COULDN'T KILL YOU.  AS I SAID EARLIER, I NEED YOU.  BUT NO LONGER WILL YOU HAVE THE POWER TO TAKE OVER THE CALEB AGAIN!  COME BACK IN GUYS!

Sn

Yay!

[And everything was back to normal!  Except for that harem...]

OH YEAH!  NEARLY FORGOT!  HEY GUYS!  YOU CAN GO NOW!  HEY...  THAT'S A PRETTY PRACTICAL USE OF THOSE WEE-TENTACLE-BEASTIES.  AND THE WAY YOU'VE USED THOSE BATTERIES TO GENERATE ELECTRICAL PULSES IN THEM.  PURE GENIUS!  DO YOU EVEN WANT YOUR OWN BACK?

Ian, Gareth and Colin

Yes!!!

OKAY, HERE YOU GO.  PLUS A LITTLE BIT EXTRA BY WAY OF AN APOLOGY.

Ian	Sweet!
Gareth	Cool!
Colin	Kick @$$!

AND UM...  GIRLS...  YOU WANNA STAY AS SEPARATE BEINGS?  OR DO YOU WANNA BE RECOMBINED?

Michelle 1	Well...  there are certain advantages to there being more than one of me...
Michelle 2	Yeah, not having to be so supple being one on them...
Michelle 3	Tell you what.  You recombine us, but give us the power to make more of us should the need arise.

THAT'S KEWL.  WHAT SAY YOU TESSA?

Tessa 1	Yeah, that's cool.
Tessa 2	It will make it easier to reach those hard to reach areas, whenever you feel like it...

THEN IT IS DONE!

Michelle and Tessa

Sweet!

NOW, SINCE ALL YOU GUYS ARE IMAGINED I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STAY HERE, IN CALEB'S MIND.  BUT I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND IT A KICK @$$ PLACE TO LIVE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU STAY NEAR THE FRAGMENTS OF CALEB'S IMAGINATION...

All	Yay!  Bye bye!

BYE.
WELL, EVERYTHING APPEARS TO BE NICELY WRAPPED UP.  GUESS I'D BETTER FINISH OFF THE LETTER...

~

However nice Amman is though, I'm going to be coming home early.  By August 24th at the latest.  And what shall I do with a house all to myself and a load of money?  Why, Have loads of crappy sleep-overs of course!  Every night!  Bwa ha ha ha haaaaa!!!

See ya

Caleb

P.S.- This is one part in a series of really screwed up letters.  To get the whole story ask;

Michelle Harries	for Part 1
Ian Davis	for Part 2
Gareth Preston	for Part 3
Tessa Burgess	for Part 4
Colin Jackson	for Part 5  (Though asking yourself would be a bit odd...)

Yeah, right!  And monkeys use my arse as an international airport!  I'll be back!  And when I return you'll know about it!  ('cos I'll write it as another story thang and give you all a copy...).  This was Caleb's Imagination, fragment 376 by the way...