Back in September 2004 I dug out my old Transformers toys that I got for my seventh birthday and wrote a review for a website that likes them far too much; The Transformers Archive.

Anyway, they didn’t use the high-resolution photographs I sent them, nor the ones of Snapdragon’s good friend, Apeface. So, here is the review, plus big photos:

Name: Snapdragon
Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Interceptor
Sub-Group: Headmaster Horrorcon
Nebulan Component: Krunk
Quote: “If it doesn’t get you dirty, it’s not worth doing.”

I got this Transformer shortly after receiving Apeface on my seventh birthday. They suit each other well, both having a whole bunch of purple on them. For a while, I lost the head; some friends of my family, one of their sons took it. But I reclaimed it a few years later when I went round their house. Anyway, on to the different modes and such.

Vehicle Mode:

Snapdragon Vehicle Mode

A grey fighter plane, the turquoise vertical fins lean either away from, or towards, the centre of the plane, depending on your preference; I always made them point out. The golden windows painted on the cockpit always struck me as superfluous; the actual cockpit, which the little robot/head guy sat in, is actual transparent plastic, so who were the golden, presumably-one-way-glass windows for? Teeny tiny ant men? Or maybe they’re meant to be like a Killer Whale’s eyes? But why would you want your enemies to aim for the nose of your plane? Anyway, the two guns that can be held in robot mode can be mounted on the sides for shooting whilst flying. As an added bonus, the dinosaur neck can be used as a rocket booster of sorts…

Monster Mode:

Snapdragon Monster Mode

Dinosaur mode is a little awkward. The legs and tail look really good, and then the chest has to have the robot legs folded up either side of it, or below it, or somewhere you really don’t want them to be. Like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, it has piddly little forelegs, useless for pretty much everything. Unlike a T-Rex, so are the jaws. They’re really small, and because the neck cannot bend downwards, Snapdragon can only look upwards, not down at the actual ground. Also, after I got the head back, the jaw was incredibly loose. So, now the dinosaur’s mouth hangs wide open, as if permanently flabbergasted; he ain’t biting nothing. The neck is really stiff, and I’ve always used Apeface’s shield to pry it open. That neck/rocket-booster can serve a third purpose in robot mode…

Robot Mode:

Snapdragon Robot Mode

Very straightforward, with very little range of movement. The feet are teeny tiny, the hands can only hold guns. The front of the plane / dinosaur tail, concertinas on the back, which looks silly from the side, but is at least not too heavy; Robot Snapdragon can stand upright without having to fear toppling backwards. It’s a nicely detailed face, and the wings can be used as arm shields. Incidentally, in both dinosaur and robot mode, the turquoise vertical fins can be removed and stored in the cockpit. It’s not necessary, but it looks less cluttered, and why else would they have been made removable? Added bonus? The dinosaur neck can be unfolded, left to dangle free, like a really huge dong. Or a prolapsed rectum even. Added added bonus? The cavity that it leaves in the lower abdomen can be used to store… stuff, and then the door to that three bar SPD/STR/INT thing can be folded down to stop whatever it is you put in there from falling out. Woo!

With sharp teeth all along his arms and legs, there will be no hugs for poor Krunk, despite all the lady head-things he attracts with his fine, moulded pectorals. Like the huge robot, he too has a prolapsed rectum / really huge purple dong. I don’t know what my obsession with that is.

Transformation: 4 – piss easy, the only fiddly thing being the robot legs/dinosaur arms; two knees!
Durability: 9 – I’ve had it 15 years and it’s all in one piece.
Fun: 7 – can make some wacky creatures, as well as the three base designs.
Price: I don’t think it’s sold anywhere anymore.
Overall: 7 – I like it lots; it is fun.

Summary + Alternate Mode #3:
Makes a fine pair with Apeface, so if you can, get both. Their heads are interchangeable, and in robot mode they don’t look half bad sharing each other’s mugs. Hell, if you want, Robot Snapdragon can have two heads, one on his neck, one on his crotch. It’s mix and match madness! Also, there’s a third alternate mode, which looks much more like a dinosaur than the actual one. Use the robot hind legs as the forelegs, the robot legs as the hind legs, and fold the plane front / dinosaur tail up like a swan’s neck. Get that sad, lonely Krunk to ride around up behind the “head,” with its golden eyes, and the fine view will surely dispel those awful memories of ladies recoiling in pain when they try to hold him. Or something like that.

Apeface Vehicle Mode

Apeface Monster Mode

Apeface Robot Mode

The film comes out on 27th July, but I am not sure whether I’ll see it or not. I liked the toys, but never really got too much into the cartoon or comics. Wait, I shall be in Germany! So, perhaps, to see it spoken in German…